Pt.3 The Festival
A New Hope, A New Stupid, Stupid, Hope
Do you know what a "backline" is?
I ask because despite being a musician for 12+ years, I had never gotten to know the term. I must have heard it before in passing because apparently it's a common word, though I've never had to worry about it myself. Wikipedia defines a backline as "a term used in popular music and sound reinforcement system contexts to refer to electronic audio amplification equipment and speaker enclosures that are placed behind the band or the rhythm section on stage, including amplifiers and speaker cabinets for guitars, bass guitars and keyboards."
I personally define it as the "entire damn stage, minus the wood the stage goes on".
So when I tell you that we arrived nice and early on the first festival day with no backline ready, I want you to read it as "we arrived nice and early on the first festival day with no entire damn stage ready".
Go Go Gadget Eyes!
Nope! Nothing in sight. No trucks, no sweaty guy named "Sal", nothing. This was disappointing to say the least. What was more disappointing was the festival organizers frantically asking us what we needed.
Hmm... Go Go Gadget Common Sense!
So I guess they hadn't even ordered the equipment yet. It would appear that my early morning would be completely wasted.
Go Go Gadget Truth Bomb!
KABOOM! You suck at your jobs.
But through the rainclouds came a golden shower of hope (NOTE: Change that metaphor before you post this, apparently it doesn't mean what you think it means), and we were greeted with the classic "Good News, Bad News" conversation starter!
Good News: They have our bags in Germany! Bad News: The organizers gave the airport the address to the AirBnB that none of us are at. Good News: The percussion player can grab the luggage! Bad News: The percussion player has to grab the luggage.
This is bad news because the artist from yesterday, understandably upset at not having the time to really run his set, is looking to sneak in another rehearsal before go time. The main organizer is having none of it though.
"I told you to sit down and wait. You have to calm down. The musicians NEED to eat first. The rehearsal room is not ready yet, you need to get some food in you before you go off to who-knows-where. Let me just get you some wristbands so you can eat"
Keep track of that sentiment. There will be a quiz after the dialogue.
So we wait. We're hanging around for maybe a half hour in a tent that is 30 degrees hotter than the air around it, and eventually the organizer comes back. Now, I'm crabby when I'm hungry, but I like to think I'm holding it back. I ask, as politely as I can:
"Can we get a possible time on when we'll be getting these wristbands? I think we're all getting a little hungry right now."
"The wristbands aren't ready yet.", she replies.
"I'm sorry, is the glue not dry on piece 1 out of 1 of the ghetto paper accessory you're making us wear? How ARE WRISTBANDS NOT READY?!", is a thing that I didn't say, but really wanted to.
"Ok, that's fine...", I said instead, "I see a few of the stalls opening up though, do you think we could just talk to them now, seeing as we're the only ones here?"
"The food isn't ready," she insisted
"Then I must be on some hard hallucinogens because I see people grabbing food as your mouth is flapping", is another thing I didn't say
"Ok, then how about this," I redacted, "give us the wristbands you have NOW, and that way we can use them when the food is ready and we won't have to find you later."
"NO! That's not how this works! We'll give you the wristbands when we know the food is ready, you can't just have wristbands before I say you can have them! I'll tell you when the food is ready!"
"Ok, do you actually have wristbands or not, because it seems to me that you're avoiding the question with a stupid argument to attempt to deflect your own incompetence", said the voice in my head.
Oh dookie. I'm looking around, gauging the reactions... yep... my bad... I did actually say that one.
"Well why are you wasting time here anyway? You should be rehearsing, why aren't you at the rehearsal space?"
TIME FOR A POP QUIZ!
Earlier, when asked to go to the rehearsal room, did this woman:
A- Tell us not to do so?
B- Tell us to sit down and eat?
C- Promise us fictional wristbands?
D- Run her stinky mouth?
The answer is of course D! Because though all are correct, we're going for the one that is the MOST correct.
So angry and hungry, we leave for the rehearsal space. The same church. However, this time we're told to keep it quiet. Why? Because apparently the owner has mental issues and occasionally calls the cops on his own establishment. I know that I've been exaggerating and making jokes this entire time, but that is not one of them. The organizers of this festival got us a rehearsal space that we were not allowed to rehearse in. Is this irony? I'm pretty sure it's not irony, but it feels like I should say it's irony. You know what, let's just call it by its maiden name; Hair-dryer-in-the-bathtub-eating-the-ant-traps-stupid.
We return to the festival and are greeted with food. NOT wristbands, mind you, but food. Styrofoam bowls that we would go on to become quite familiar with: It was the same rice and meat from yesterday. I'm going to go ahead and spoil the story slightly for you and tell you all right now... the "free food" that they told us would be provided would consist of the exact. same. meal. Every day of this festival. My friends... this is how I eat at home... this is UNACCEPTABLE for actual human beings. I should add on that we were never asked if we had any dietary restrictions, or allergies, by the way. We were just kinda handed this at our most hungry and vulnerable and told to eat. Our willingness to unquestionably devour it the first time was our downfall, for by then, they knew we could eat it. And so we must eat it.
I don't know if it was then that we made our demands for proper food, but it was around this time that we were promised groceries to be delivered to our house. Do you know how ominous a context-less promise of "groceries" is? It's a bit like someone promising you a "Food Sandwich", or a "Package of Stuff". Yes, it technically falls into the category of what I want, but the Venn Diagram of "Stuff at the German Grocery Store" and "Stuff I want to see Inside my AirBnB" has an overlapping section that is so small it is legally classified as a missing person.
Well this is where things turn around my friends, stay tuned for Pt 4: THE PART WHERE THEY DON'T MESS IT UP!